My mother died just over a week ago.
I won't say that we had a "complicated" relationship because, honestly, there really wasn't much of a relationship.
Still...... the way she lived the last few years was sad.
The way she died - alone - was sad.
I have plenty to be bitter about and could be very negative.
I chose instead to let go and walk away; it saved my sanity (mostly anyway).
Still...... I am now dealing with the aftermath of a life not well-lived.
There are debts and dirt to deal with.
No assets except for her cat which is living under my daughter's bed at the moment.
I didn't even know the cat's name for sure until we found the vet records.
How damned sad is that?
The outpouring of sympathy and condolences from friends and acquaintances has been so nice
Most of the well-wishers don't realize the emotional distance between us and I, mostly, keep it to myself
It's easier to just say "Thank you"
So........ thank you.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
Last weekend I read Fat Girl Walking by Brittany Gibbons. I’ve been following Brittany through her blog, Twitter and Instagram for a while now and have admired her boldness, confidence and her beauty. I used to think “wow, she must have had quite some upbringing to have such confidence and self-esteem” because, really, that’s something that most women have trouble with regardless of their dress size.
Well, guess what; she has those issues too. Who’d of thunk it?! You’d never know it, looking at her bikini pics on Instagram, but she has all of the same self-esteem and insecurity issues that I do. She has had the same issues with clothing, taunting, shaming; been treated poorly by guys. Sadly, the things that she went through with teenaged boys are the same things that I’ve experienced with grown men. Do they ever grow up?
This lady is just like me, you and every other woman who has ever looked at her body and said “Ugh!” yet, she has found way to live with this and still shine. If she wasn’t such a bad lesbian (you gotta read the book), I’d be in love with her.
The difference between Brittany and me is that she has found a way to look past her own insecurities and see herself in a positive light. That’s what this book is about; her journey to seeing herself in a good way and giving herself permission to shine. I try but tend to fall short, more often than not. She is definitely an inspiration.
Anyone who has struggled with their weight throughout their life will find themselves nodding at so much of what she says and, hopefully, will walk away with a new perspective. We owe it to our daughters to obliterate the current harsh language that we use to describe ourselves and, perhaps, open the discussion wherever we go about what real beauty is.
Posted by Kathy at 6:07 AM
Thursday, June 4, 2015
One of the Writers’ Workshop prompts this week is another list – list ten things that make you happy. Let’s see if I can do a better job of completing my list this week since I kind of fizzled out on last week’s list.
-Being the loving mother that I am, I must list my pride in The Boy first. I sat in a gymnasium full of other proud parents the other night watching our offspring march up to the stage to receive their high school graduation certificates. The Boy is an honour student who received special commendation in Math, French and English. I’d say that’s a reason to smile!
-I am just as proud of The Girl for how well she is doing school as well and am amazed each and every day by what a wonderful young lady she is turning into.
-I’m loving the cool weather that we’ve been having. Some people are griping about the low temps but I figure that the heat and humidity of our Montreal summer will be hitting soon enough so I’m definitely not complaining.
-It turns out that some expenses that I thought were coming my way are not actually coming so my financial future (at least in the next couple of months) is looking brighter.
-I got a great deal on a new television a couple of months ago and, with the addition of Apple TV to it, I’ve really been enjoying it. It’s a small thing but it makes me happy.
-I have a great “to-read” pile of books on my shelf just waiting for me to enjoy. Enough said.
-I have pretty flowers on my balcony that haven’t died yet. Even three out of four herb plants are still alive. It seems, though, that Mother Nature doesn’t like thyme.
-I managed to buy the new Samsung Galaxy S6 with some of my tax refund money this spring and it makes me happier than any material thing should. My bills are paid and the necessary things have been taken care of so no guilt can be attached to this luxury; just joy
-Even though I try to use my barbeque for most of the year, the true season for it is upon us and I love throwing dinner on the grill. It’s staying light out later and I’m not freezing my butt off – that’s a win!
-The kids’ last day of regular classes is this Friday. After that, they only have a few final exams to do and that is the end of school for the year. This means that won’t be hauling their butts out of bed in the mornings or stressing over having things to pack for their lunches. I’ll be able to just get myself ready for work in the mornings and leave them to fend for themselves. Can you hear my sigh of happiness?
What’s making you happy these days?
Posted by Kathy at 6:22 AM
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
I am a homebody.
No wait; that should be in capital letters…… I AM A HOMEBODY!
There is no place in this world that I would rather be than home. Home, to me, is not some palatial estate with a movie room, hot tub and swimming pool although a hot tub would be kind of cool. It is an apartment with two bedrooms (the smaller of which is mine) a small kitchen and a balcony that I enjoy sitting out on with a book and a cold drink.
It is a place where I have all of my creature comforts like the soft couch that puts me to sleep, my TV and other gadgets that make life fun, a fridge with the foods that I like and my own cozy bed; not to mention my incredible kids and my cat.
It is my haven of calm and peace. Other than my kids wanting to be fed (as usual), there is nobody standing there making demands of me. I can do what I want and be who I want without looking over my shoulder to see who is judging me. I can just be me.
I have never caught the travel bug. If I go away and am gone for more than about three days, I get all twitchy and am definitely not fun to be around. When I take vacation time from work, I always take a “staycation”, or stay in “balconville” as we say here in Montreal, and recharge my batteries. My friends and coworkers who go away for their vacation always come home more tired than when they left and I’ve never understood the point of that.
My son always has plans and I have to “reserve” a day if I actually want to make plans that involve him. My daughter, on the other hand, is far more like me. She’s totally happy to just hang out at home and I have to encourage her to go out with her friends. At least I always know where she is ;)
|Somebody else loves home too|
Posted by Kathy at 11:25 AM